Inspiring Moms Blog

I’m a stay-at-home mom and stressed about keeping the kids occupied this summer. Help!

First off, you aren’t the only one who is stressing about what to do with the kids this summer. Your question came up a lot this last week. Think about it, in a week or so, the entire structure of your life and your child’s day is going to change—pretty drastically. What may have been P.E on Mondays, and Art on Tuesdays is now going to Mommy on Monday and Mommy on Tuesday. No pressure there, huh!

 

First thing to remember is this: kids thrive in a structured environment. That is why teachers post each day’s schedule on the bulletin board. Kids take comfort in knowing what is next. Routines and structure empower a child to anticipate the energy and effort necessary to be successful.

 

Establishing structure at home will yield you the similar benefits. Knowing that mornings bring certain activities will make those mornings so much more enjoyable for you and your kids. You can be creative within your routines, yet the structure and direction sets both you and your kids up for success.

 

Here are some ideas to get you started: 

*  Read to your kids. Start the day off together snuggling in your bed with a pile of books. You get to stay in bed a bit longer and they get to pick out their favorite books for reading time.

*  Turn off your television and surround your kids with books, paper and pencils, markers and stickers and let them go to town. Without the television as a diversion, your kids will build their imagination, intelligence and self-esteem by relying on themselves for entertainment.

 *  Get out most mornings. Whether it is to a park, pool for swimming lessons, a class or the library. Have a reason to get up and go and then exercise those sweet kids of yours. They need it, and so do you!

*  Come home for lunch and if appropriate, nap your sweet children or at the very least, maintain a quiet time. Your kids will be so much better prepared for the fun the afternoon will bring and so will you!

 

*  Pick one day a week, (I like Fridays) and pack up your kids and take them on a Mom’s Day. Surprise your kids with a morning or afternoon activity of your choice. What makes you happy? Share it with your kids! Talk about inspiring!

 

As you jump into summer, remember that every day is an opportunity to create fun and lasting memories. When in doubt, play in the sprinklers, get out the bubbles, make an obstacle course and crack up with your kids. Those are the memories that will last forever!

Make it a great day and keep those questions coming! 

 

Send your questions, concerns, and challenges to askamy@inspiringmoms.com.  How can I help you and your family?

 

Amy

inspiring Moms Featured on Fox 4 News

Fox 4 news in Kansas City featured Amy and inspiring Moms on their Mother's Day edition of the Sunday news. Watch as Amy discusses how social media has become a resource for the modern mom. 

Click Here for Video

“What do you do when your best friend’s kid is a bully and hits your kid all the time! I really need help!”

Best friend or not, this is about keeping your child safe. I believe that as a mom, you have a job to keep your child healthy and safe. Your child needs to be able to count on you to “watch his back.” He needs to know that you are there to protect him, especially when he doesn’t feel like he can protect himself.

 

I would address your friend in private and with compassion. I’m sure she is sensitive and will appreciate your understanding. Here is what I would say:

 

“I value our friendship and that’s why I need to talk to you. It’s my job to keep “Joey” healthy and safe. I’ve noticed that when the kids get together, there is lots of fighting. I wouldn’t be doing my job if I let that continue. It isn’t healthy for either of them and it’s not safe for “Joey.” We need to let the kids know that fighting is unacceptable and it’s our job to keep them healthy and safe. If the hurting in word or action continues, they will lose privileges to play with one another.

 

At the Davis house, my job extends to anyone playing with my kids. We have the same rules whether I birthed you, or not.  Our house is safe for everyone. If the Mom is there, and her child hits, I would say that hitting is unacceptable in our house and I would let her discipline in her way. If it doesn’t “fix” the problem, then I would tell her and her child that I am so sorry, but it’s my job to keep my child safe and when you hit my child, it hurts him, so we’ll have to try a play date another day. “Mrs. Davis is just doing her job.”

 

In the end, you need to know what your job is to establish boundaries and use logical consequences to promote cooperation. The result will be that if your friend’s child truly wants to play with your son, he will cooperate and modify his behavior. This approach removes you from being the bad guy. You are just doing your job! If this doesn’t work, it will be time for you and your friend to meet without the kids.

 

Good luck, you’ll be great. And let me know how it turns out.

 

Amy

How in the world do you talk on the phone and keep your 7 kids from interrupting you every 5 seconds? I feel like I can’t get a minute of peace.

I know this can be frustrating and that’s why I came up with a strategy to both enjoy my conversation and teach my kids to respect my time and attention.

If I am speaking to someone on the phone and one of my kids needs me and it is not an emergency (ie, house on fire, someone in danger, or someone at the door,) that child quietly, (yes, without sound) stands next to me and holds my hand– done. It is that easy. The gesture of taking my hand signals to me that he or she would like my attention as soon it is convenient for me to give it. This best practice teaches my kids patience, respect and proper etiquette not to interrupt someone during a conversation. This works for all ages of kids, yet it will only work if you do it-- every day, no exceptions

One last thing, if your kids don’t cooperate, the consequence is that they lose whatever it was they wanted or needed in the first place. If interrupted, your answer must always be “No.” It will take some practice, but you will get good at it. Believe me; your kids will start to follow your rule pretty quickly, especially if you are consistent. Keep in mind that the inspiring Moms job description is to “keep your kids, happy, healthy, safe and cozy.” This strategy helps you proactively develop healthy kids by instilling patience, respect and cooperation. Be sure to praise their cooperation. Patience is a virtue, yet learning it takes practice.

May Reviews

How many times as a mom have you dreamed that you had an extra pair of hands?  This month’s favorite is your dream come true. If Mom Had Three Arms is written by author Karen Kaufman Orloff and illustrated by one of our family favorites, Pete Whitehead.  You’ll love the mom with nine arms who “would throw lots of pitches” or the mom with ten arms who could “scratch all his itches”.  This is a fun and colorful counting book that has a touching ending that will soon become a family favorite. Check it out on Amazon.com

 

I was at the book store the other day and noticed an expecting mom sifting through all the countless pregnancy and baby book titles. Sound familiar? As I did with her, I want to share with you my favorite books which helped form my philosophies and made the greatest impact on my development as a mom. I will begin this month with Children the Challenge by Rudolph Dreikurs. This book is a must read, a must own and a must reread. The short chapters will keep your attention and provide you with easy to comprehend strategies for managing your children and their behavior. Dreikurs philosopy of using logical consequences to raise helathy kids inspired me and this book still sits on my bedside table. Check it out on Amazon.com

I don't feel like I am connecting with my kids, how can I build that into my day?

First off, the fact that you recognize that you want to strengthen your relationship with your kids is great; you are half way there because you want it!

 

To create closeness or cozy, I’d love to share my most important parenting tool; the inspiring Moms Job Description which is, “My job is to keep you, happy, healthy, safe and cozy.” I developed this job description about 15 years ago, and I recite it aloud to my kids dozens of times each day. It provides me with direction while making my kids aware of my responsibilities and what they can expect from me as their mom. The biggest benefit is that it guides you in making and explaining every single parenting decision to your children; especially the unpopular ones. So, to answer your question, it is your job to develop cozy. Read on for a simple best practice to help you get started.

 

Create the habit of reading to your child all snuggled up on your lap for as long as your lap is big enough. When they graduate to the chair or cushion next to you touch them, arm to arm, and share your warmth. Focus on as many of the five senses (touch, sight, smell, taste and sound) as possible. The more senses that you engage in caring for your children, the more your child will remember how it felt when you snuggled up on the couch and read a favorite book with them. The bonus in creating sensory based memories is all it might take is a smell, taste or feeling to bring back those wonderful moments you shared with your child. So, how about baking a batch of cookies with the kids and enjoying them after you read together (slice and bake work just fine). Just like the smells of my fresh banana muffins or chocolate chip cookies ellicit feelings of home or warmth to my kids, so must you create the cozy by your touch and activities to build togetherness and closeness. Don’t wait! There is nothing more wonderful and nurturing to your child than knowing that the most important person in their world is choosing to spend time with them.

 

Read, read, read-- believe me, they don’t fit on your lap forever!  Need book ideas? Check out my favorites this month!

Insights: Spring Cleaning Your Schedule

It's spring cleaning time but fortunately there's no need for a broom or Windex. Now is a great time to weed through all of the responsibilities that are getting in the way of enjoying your life, while raising your kids.

 

As moms, our most valuable resources are our time and energy. We have to cherish and protect it. Why? Because saying, “Yes” to someone or something means you have to say, “No” to someone or something else-- there’s only so much time in a day. Balancing means learning when to say, “No” to insure that you have reserves for the relationships you value most; you, and your family. 

 

We are all dancing as fast we can to meet the infinite needs of our families, stop for a minute to reflect on the following questions. “Do my actions make me feel happier and more successful? Who is losing in my dance to meet everyone’s needs?” If you are comfortable with your answers, your priorities are reflected in your actions and you are on the right track. If you don’t like your answers, change things! It will mean disappointing people, yet those who value you will applaud your decision to make a stand for your needs. Keep in mind, success and happiness for you and your family is your goal and striving to integrate and balance it all takes discipline each and every day.

 

Recently, a mom shared with me that her greatest challenge was taking care of herself. I suggested that she say, “No” to any extra request of her time and energy until she started to schedule time for herself-- no exceptions. She was aghast! The truth is that each of you will have well-intentioned, wonderful people asking you for your help or your company-- help to cook, bake, pick up, lead, ecetera, for the rest of your lives. Why? Because you are capable, clever and high achieving women. It is however, up to you to say, “Thank you, I am so flattered you thought of me, but I’ll have to pass.” Or try “Thanks for asking, I’ll take a rain check this time, but maybe next year.” Or how about, “Thank you so much for thinking of me, but I need to put a premium on my evenings with my family.” All you have to do is say "No"...nicely.

 

Like most things, practice make perfect, so choose a phrase or make up your own and use them! Print them out and memorize what works best for you so you will be ready for any request and respond respectfully and confidently. Having clear purpose and priorities will keep you focused and disciplined to achieve your goals. When you gracefully (this will come with practice) and confidently start declining requests, you send a powerful message that you value your time and energy and the people sitting around your dinner table get first dibs!

Morning and Afternoon Checklist

Remember, the beauty is in the routine the checklist creates. By following the list, your children will enjoy the benefits of knowing what is next and have a plan to be successful. Having a plan for success is empowering and makes achieving success easier and more fun.
 
Your role with the checklist is to encourage and praise their efforts. Some great phrases are:
 
"I like the way you follow the list."
"You are making such progress on your list, way to go!"
"You made some great choices for lunch today!"
"I like the way you help out your sister."
"I knew you could do it!"
 
If your kids resist the list, consider replying with:
"I have confidence in you that you can get it all done."
"Knowing you, you'll find a way to make it happen."
"Keep your focus and you'll be great."
"All you can do is your best, I'm sure you'll be fine."
 
There are many benefits for you and your children when checklists become a part of your day.  Remember, your children crave your praise and positive attention.  The more opportunities you create for them to take responsibility for themselves, the more opportunities you have to genuinely praise their efforts.  Download Morning and Afternoon Checklists

February Reviews

No gift is more precious; no time better spent then cozying up with your child and reading a book. Reading to your child opens up a lifetime of friendships and adventures that transform you both to lands of fantasy, frill and fun.

 

If you haven’t picked up your family’s Valentine’s Day book yet, look no further. I just swept up my copy of Love, Ruby Valentine by Laurie Friedman and illustrated by Lynne Avril Cravath. Ruby is a “heartwarming tale of a girl who learns that the best day to say I love you is every day!” She’s my kind of girl. Check it out on Amazon.com

In honor of our 44^th President, and to celebrate Presidents’ Day, I was so excited to find a copy of the New York Times Bestseller Barack Obama Son of Promise, Child of Hope by Nikki Grimes and Illustrated by Bryan Collier. The book is based on Barack Obama’s Dreams from My Father. This biography was written to “inspire children to seek answers to their own life’s questions, and to strive to be a world changer.” Regardless of who you voted for, this book is a must for your child! Check it out on Amazon.com

Insights: Creating a Loving Relationship

It’s the month of love, yet are you feeling it from your partner? Is he feeling it from you? If not, you are not alone. Are you thinking, “Are you kidding me Amy, who has the time or the energy?” I hear you, but, guess what-- that isn’t a good enough reason to put your relationship with your partner on the back burner. We seem to make the time to run our kids around town to their practices, play dates and games, yet our time falls short with our partner. Remember, the quality of your partner relationship is related to the success and happiness of your family.

 

Improving, or maintaining, the relationship can make a difference, not only in how wonderful it is feels to you both, but in the example you set for your kids. Did you know that the stronger relationship you have with your partner, the better mom you will be?  It’s time to re-energize your life with your partner and date again. Have fun, laugh and get all dressed up for each other, wear that perfume you only wear for him (or find one he likes and start now) and live the life you want your kids to live!

 

If you feel like your relationship with your partner could use a pick me up, think twice about an expensive gift and consider a book to spark a lifetime of adventures of your own. Pick up your copy of 1001 ways to be Romantic by Gregory J. P. Godek. “Packed with hundreds of ideas to transform your relationship into a vibrant, exciting love affair,” –it’s one of those gifts that keeps on giving–and who doesn’t want that! 

 

Check out their website for some quick tips and see what you think before buying a copy; you have nothing to lose and lots to gain! Check it out on Amazon.com